Sunday, March 05, 2006

Scattered pictures, Of the smiles we left behind...

I found a card today that C. gave me last year after mother's day. The only thing he wrote on the blank card was "I love you, babies." As grim as it sounds, I've kept several things from my pregnancy last year: the positive pregnancy tests, a print-out I made of milestone dates (due date, when I'll first feel the baby, when I can see heartbeat, gender, etc.), cards from C., pictures of the embryos prior to transfer, and a couple of other things. I know that someday I won't need them anymore and I hope it's because I'm busy with a new pregnancy. For now, though, it's somehow very important that I have them close to me. Sometimes -- especially when I'm particularly sad or melancholy, I dig the box out of my closet and I wonder if that's as close as I'll ever get to having a baby. If it is, those things will be so important to me to have kept. Either way, I'm looking forward to being able to let go of them in time.

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